Jerry, you need to find god
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
