God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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