She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
