I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
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