So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
