i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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