I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize