is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
