I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
