Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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