May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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