Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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