people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
