Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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