Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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