Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
