Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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