Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
