Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
