Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you win again, gameday.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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