WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
