At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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