You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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