Me too!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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