i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize