the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
