Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
