I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
