brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
