I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
