im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
