my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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