Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
