There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm both gender and math confused
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
