Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
