I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
