did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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