Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
