He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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