I just saw a hot homeless man
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You know, be my cock's hype man.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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