Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
