i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize