Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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