I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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