Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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