I want to walk on stilts...naked
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
