Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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