You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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