please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
