hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
