I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
