did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Shame - the story of my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
