you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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