Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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