You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
