I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
