I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
