yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize