i permit you to call me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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