So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
