If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
