Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
