My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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