I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
