Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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