At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
