i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
