just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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