i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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