I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
