He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
