Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
