I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
