someone get that fucking seahorse.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
dude. I can hear the air.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
