Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
