so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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